I’ve been teaching meditation for over 30 years from when I was a layman and have taught countless students. Each meditation student aspires for something different. Most wish for happiness. Only few aspire to attain liberation. Wishing for happiness, requires one to perform good deeds such as being generous and keeping precepts. Is it good to attend all the religious ceremonies? Well, yes… participate in the Candle Festival on the day of Buddhist Lent as well as in the activities at the end of Buddhist Lent. Make merit by sculpting Buddha images and constructing temples.
Most people wish for happiness. Making merit – merit or Puñña in Pali denotes happiness – brings one happiness. Most people aim for happiness. Mold Buddha images as a form of making merit while hoping that many will come to pay their respects to the Buddha image which would help us attain merit over countless lifetimes; we wish to attain a lot of merit to be happy across countless lives. However, our cycle of birth will not end – we reap what we sow. If we wish for happiness, keep making merit – you can research and choose from about 10 ways to make merit – and this results in happiness.
There are very few meditators who wish for liberation. Most people wish to be reborn and to live happy lives eternally. Those wishing for liberation are a few in number. It isn’t a surprise that with countless people practicing generosity, morality, and the making of merit, those attaining liberation are few. Our choices are based on our desires. If we wish for happiness in the cycle of rebirth, then make merit. If we wish for something higher than that… liberation… then practice cultivating morality, Samādhi, and wisdom. We must do this as it will reduce the number of lives in the cycle of rebirth.
The world has no essence
Most people don’t see that, in this cycle of rebirth, their lives have no essence except for Dukkha (suffering/ unsatisfactoriness). They don’t see this and so they hunger for happiness and pursue it. Fools generate the causes that lead to their own suffering by robbing, killing and harming others. What do they desire? They desire happiness. Wiser people make merit through donation or public service. They will be happy. They are happy from the moment that they think of making merit. Now, say that we think about doing a good deed. Merely thinking of a plan to accomplish it, makes us happy. While we make merit, we are happy. Upon completion of making merit, whenever we think about it, we are happy. These people have certain level of wisdom.
Fools think that thieving and raping will make them happy but in reality, they suffer. From the very minute that they plan on doing evil their minds struggle. While engaging in evil the mind suffers, but they don’t see this, they can’t. Once the evil deeds are completed, the mind suffers. But again, they don’t see it because they can’t. They think that if the police don’t or can’t catch them, they won’t suffer. Worldly people can be categorized into many levels – from “completely ignorant” to higher levels based on their many good deeds, and many kinds of merit-making. As a result, they achieve happiness. If we have true wisdom, we will see that, in the world, there is no true happiness, there is only suffering.
When we were young, we felt happy. As a child, did you feel like ‘wanting to get older’? Children don’t feel that they have freedom. When they want dessert, they need to ask their parents for money. Sometimes the parents give them money and sometimes they don’t. Children can’t rely on themselves, so they are unhappy. While growing up, they are sent to school. While in school, many children hope that after graduation they’ll be happy because their studies are very stressful. After graduation, they go to work hoping to get a big salary, a good position, so that they can be happy. To get a big salary and a big position they need to struggle a lot. Some close classmates grow up, get jobs while competing with each other for positions, and eventually don’t look at each other anymore. Or they compete for girls or for men, and they don’t like each other anymore.
Worldly happiness is always accompanied by trouble. When we are at work, we plan to save large sums of money or buy properties. These days, people prefer to buy land. They think that after working for a while, they will switch to farming, finding happiness because they think that working in the city is very chaotic. So, they suffer at present, and dream of happiness in the future. It has always been like this since we were children. Children suffer because they are not independent as they don’t have money. They think that when they grow up, it will be good. When in schools, they think when they graduate, it will be good. After graduation, when in the workforce, they think that if they can get a big salary, a good position or become famous then it will be good. After working for a while, they become exhausted, they think if they can retire early, it will be good, so they can leave the chaotic city behind – because they wake up early, rush to work, come home late at night, exhausted. They feel that city life is very chaotic, and thinking that it’s better to move up-country they buy some land. People who have never farmed think it’s easy, but it’s not. Most people, when they switch to farming, fail. So, they suffer all over again.
As people age, they anticipate being happy some day in the future. They think that they will get to rest and be happy after retirement. But it isn’t like that. After retirement is when people, most often, fall ill. And so, the money that they have saved up will be spent on hospital bills, no happiness again. And when they get extremely sick, they seek death. I have seen someone who wanted to die. “When am I going to die?” Because life was like torture he thought that he would be happy after death.
People in this world are to be pitied. They strive for happiness but never get it. They think if they can get what they desire, if they can become what they desire, if they get rid of what is disliked, if they aren’t who they are, all of this will make them happy. But alas, they don’t get what they want. Some say that when one is a child, you have time, you can run around, you are healthy… but you have no money. When you’re in the workforce, you have money and are healthy, but you don’t have time. When you’re old, you have a lot of free time and you have money saved up, but you don’t have the energy. So, at every stage in life from childhood to old age something is always lacking which results in a lack of happiness. And when you reach that stage where you need to depend on others, it will be really difficult.
There is a metaphor… people around 50 years old are wanted by children because they are healthy, they earn a healthy income and are famous, so children scramble towards them as if they are basketballs – children scramble for a basketball and hold on without letting go. People around the age of 60 become weak, but they still have money, so children try to raise them, as if they are volleyballs – children keep volleying the ball so that it doesn’t touch the ground. People around 70 years old become a burden, so they are like footballs – if a football comes to us, we will kick it far. Eighty years old are like golf balls – they will hit it far – the farther the better. If a ball hit from the tee lands in the hole, that’s best –a hole-in-one!
In the world, we can’t find true happiness or peace. And if we need to be dependent on others, then that’s even more difficult. The wise see that worldly lives are not good in any aspect. People fight and scramble for everything. This isn’t any different from animals that constantly fight over territory, food, and mates. They fight and scramble around continuously. In the end, everything we fight for ends up being empty since we have to abandon them all.
If we still love to live in this world, try doing good when you can, but not in such a way that makes you suffer. Some people donate all their money to monks, or temples, hoping that they will be rich in their next lives but end up becoming poor in their present lives. To gain merit, some people donate so much that they have no food to eat, no house to live in – this is absurd!
Make merit if we have the chance but estimate what is affordable and donate in moderation. If we practice moderation, our lives will have less suffering. If not, we will surely suffer. Even to do good or to make merit, we still need to do so in moderation. But if we see that the world has no essence and if we would really like to transcend the world, then we need to practice dhamma. To practice dhamma means to study and learn about ourselves. Before all else, we need to study ourselves, not others. Observe ourselves, not others. If we’d like to practice but we keep watching others, it won’t work. Being a monk, if you keep watching others – what they’re going to do, where they’re going to go – then you’re going to fail.
Keep being aware of the body until learning the truth of the body
If we really want to attain liberation, we need to study ourselves and keep watching ourselves while paying attention to the external world only when necessary. Be determined to study ourselves. To study ourselves is to be mindful of the body and mind as they really are, with the mind that is rooted in awareness and that is equanimous. Keep on studying. When our body moves feel it. Our face changes constantly. When we’re happy, our face has a certain look which can be known by the mind, without the need for a mirror. When angry, our face is ugly. When extremely lustful, the face is ugly. When lost, the face is ugly. Keep observing our own face. Keep being aware of our own face, and we will see that every time defilement arises, our face is ugly.
For instance, when angry, our face looks unsightly like an ogre’s or a demon’s. When lustful, our face looks unsightly like a hungry ghost’s. When we’re lost, our face looks like an animal that is lost or that is enjoying itself. Keep being aware of our own face. When lost, become aware of our face right away; it looks like a dog’s face. Dogs tend to be lost, absent-minded, enjoying themselves. Feel it.
When the body moves, feel it. While sitting, feel it. While standing, feel it. While walking, feel it. While lying down, feel it. Feel it, don’t think about it. To cultivate wisdom at the level of vipassana, we feel it, we don’t think about it. Feeling is more important than thought. Therefore, keep being aware of the body. When the body smiles, feel it. When the body frowns, feel it. When the body does nothing – when breathing out, feel it; when breathing in, feel it. Keep being aware of it.
Studying the body isn’t about narration: “The body has a nervous system like this, has veins like this, has muscles like this, has bones like this”. This is for medical students. Meditators don’t need to study in this way. Just be aware of the body – the body is sitting, the body is walking, the body is lying down, the body is moving, the body is still, the body is smiling, the body is frowning, the body is turning left, turning right. Keep being aware of it. Be aware of movements or changes in the body. This is how we study our own body.
To study the mind, we also use feeling. How does it feel in the mind – keep being aware of it. The mind is happy, be aware of it. The mind is unhappy, be aware of it. The mind is greedy, angry, lost, restless, or lethargic, be aware of it. The mind is wholesome, be aware of it. Keep being aware of the mind, over and over. When anger arises, be aware of the anger that has arisen. When greed arises, be aware of it – know that it feels greedy now; see that greed has arisen. Keep studying repeatedly.
Study the body and eventually we will understand it. With regards to studying the mind, in the mind, there are a myriad kind of thoughts. The mind changes all the time; every time the eyes, ears, nose, tongue, body, or mind makes contact with an object, the mind changes and becomes happy or unhappy or good or evil. By being repeatedly mindful of the mind and after having studied it extensively, will we understand it. Be aware of the body and we will understand the body. Be aware of the mind and we will understand the mind.
To begin studying oneself, we need to be aware of our own body and mind, not that of others. Observe ourselves often, over and over, then the right understanding will develop. The body is just like a robot. It moves and evolves like a machine. When the machine is new, it’s strong and powerful. When this machine gets old, it loses power. Just like an old car engine has starting trouble. Similarly, our body, when we were young – we could just get up and run fast – it was just like a new engine. When we’re old it’s like an old engine, which has starting trouble. When we’re lying down and want to get up to either sit or to walk, we need some time. We can’t just hastily get up, sit, and walk right away. From the lying down position, if we hastily get up to walk right away, we’re going to fall headfirst. This is like when the car engine stutters before shutting off completely.
The body is just like a machine. A new machine works efficiently. When it becomes old and worn out we may need to replace some of its parts. We are able to replace the lens in the eyes via lens surgery and cataract surgery. We can replace the simpler ones first. Later, we can replace the heart and other organs. We can replace more organs. It’s like when the engine shuts down, we need to get a second-hand engine to replace it. If we can’t get a brand-new engine, we can get a second-hand engine from a Japanese car salvage garage to replace our older engine. This is like waiting for an organ donation; all of which are second-hand organs. For example, an eye donation, we get a second-hand eye used by someone else. For a heart donation, we get a second-hand heart, previously used. We need to fix the body in the same way that we fix a car, by replacing its parts. If we can replace it with second-hand parts, we are able to extend its use further, for a while.
Eventually, if we can’t replace them anymore, we have to change Vera – realm of rebirth. When an engine becomes scrap, we can melt and cast it. When a body dies, we bury it (the body’s elements) in the ground – which will then be eaten by plants, which will then be eaten by animals, which will then be eaten by people – and so, it will again become human flesh and the skin of others.
Eventually, no matter what we may scrambled for in life, upon death, everything is empty, immaterial, and of no essence. Therefore, as we keep studying the body, we will learn that the body is without essence. It is impermanent and is continuously under stress with hunger, thirst, cold, heat and sickness. The body is always under stress, and is insubstantial – just like a machine, which will one day become scrap.
To overcome oneself means to understand oneself
By studying the body extensively, we will learn the truth of the body. The body is impermanent, suffering, and non-self. It is neither ‘us’ nor ‘ours’.
By observing the mind often and seeing how it works helps us to gradually understand the mind. The mind shifts from being happy to being… unhappy, good, greedy, angry, lost, restless, lethargic. The mind is uncertain, and it changes all the time. We can’t order it to be good, to be happy, not to be bad, or not to be unhappy. Study the mind. Be aware of it. Whatever arises in the mind, know it. Eventually, we will understand that the mind is completely impermanent, that no mental state can persist forever, that the mind isn’t us, nor is it ours, and that it is uncontrollable. Thus, we need to learn about ourselves until we understand it, and then can eventually let it go.
Observing the body allows us to see the truth – that the body is without any essence; and then we can let go of the body. Observing the mind repeatedly allows us to see that the mind is without essence, and then we can let go of the mind. Once we let go of the body, we will no longer suffer with the body. The body suffers, in and of itself, because it is matter, or form (Rūpa), which falls under the category of ‘Dukkha’ (suffering/unsatisfactoriness). After letting go of the body, the mind will no longer attach to the suffering of the body – the body suffers, but the mind doesn’t. If we can let go of the mind, we will no longer suffer. Regardless of whether contact is made with a good or bad object, the mind won’t be shaken and won’t suffer.
Therefore, to transcend suffering, we need to study ourselves till we understand and can let go of ourselves. If we don’t pay attention to ourselves and don’t study, but keep paying attention to others – who is doing what? Who is turning left or right? Who looks at or doesn’t look at your face? – this is crazy! Absolutely absurd! Study yourselves, not others. Observe the truth of your own body and mind. Don’t succumb to the enjoyment of the world believing that “this body is so good… my mind is so good”. Study the body and mind and eventually, we will be able to let go of them. When we can let go of the attachment to body and mind, we succeed. That is, we overcome our own foolishness, wrong view, defilements and all kinds of formations – we overcome ourselves, not others.
The Buddha taught that, “self-conquest is the best; victory breeds hatred (Vera).” For instance, if we defeat others, we incur hatred since the defeated live in pain, and so they hate us and become vengeful. If we can overcome ourselves, by overcoming defilement, mental formations, wrong view, attachments to body and mind, this is the greatest of victories for Buddhists. In our practice, if we don’t think about overcoming our defilement and ignorance, instead if we think about winning a lottery, being lucky or fortunate, this means that we are still amateurs – we’re going to go round and round in this cycle of rebirth for a very long time.
Let’s assess our mind honestly: now, do we want to overcome ourselves or to defeat others? Be honest in our self-assessment. If we still want to defeat others, then the chance for liberation is nil. Because if we want to defeat others, then our attention is focused on others, watching others do things and neglecting to study our own body and mind. Then, how can we let go of the body and mind? Thus, we need to observe ourselves. Some people have said, “I’ve been practicing for 10-20 years already, why haven’t I attained anything yet? How come some people attain the Fruit in 7 days or 7 months?” This is due to differing goals. With differing goals, people do things differently and this brings about different results. If the goal is to live happily in the world, one will do things – make merit – which lead to temporary worldly happiness. If we want happiness but do evil deeds, the result is suffering.
To overcome defilements, to overcome ourselves, means to overcome our foolishness, nothing else. Some people may ask how to overcome ourselves. Is it like, wanting to eat but not eating? Is this overcoming ourselves? No. Wanting to sleep, we don’t sleep? No, not like this.
To overcome oneself, one must overcome ignorance or our foolishness – this is the most important of victories. When we have wants but oppose and suppress them and then claim that we have overcome ourselves, this is not the Buddhist way. In other cultures or religions, they practice extreme self-mortification to the point that their bodies are in agony and become handicapped. One time, I went to India and saw ascetics practicing self-mortification. Some of them kept their hands raised all day all night, without letting it down. They thought they overcame themselves by not letting their hands down, causing the hands to atrophy and become handicapped. What do they get out of that? No wisdom at all. No liberation attained. Nothing.
Thus, overcoming the self is not the same as torturing oneself. To overcome oneself means to understand oneself. This is the result of self-study. Study the body and mind constantly and then we will understand them. If the mind understands, it will let go. At that moment of letting go is when we win. Letting go means victory. Victory via competition isn’t the same as the true victory of dhamma.
Once we can let go, we win
In Aṭṭhakathā (commentaries/interpretations of the scriptures), there is one story that monks in the past liked to discuss driven by hidden interests. The story goes… one day, as the Buddha was giving a discourse, a poor Brahmin arrived. He was so poor that he and his wife each had only one antariya (a lower body garment). Uttariya is a loose piece of upper body clothing. Have you noticed that Indians wear uttariya? These two Brahmins shared only one uttariya. When the husband went out, the wife had to stay home, and when the wife went out, the husband had to remain at home since they shared only one uttariya.
One day, the husband wanted to go to listen to a dhamma discourse. Normally, the Buddha would give a discourse in the evening for some time and finish it not too late at night since people had to go back home. But on this particular day, the discourse continued on and on because this Brahmin was the one the Buddha wanted to help. So, the Buddha gave a discourse from dusk till dawn, but the Brahmin hadn’t attained enlightenment.
While the Buddha was giving the discourse, King Pasenadi of Kosala, who having just won a war, was in high spirits and proud of his victory, had come to see the Buddha and to present his victory, was there sitting and listening to the discourse as well. The Buddha continued his discourse, and by the early evening, the Brahmin faith started blossoming and he wanted to find an offering to the Buddha. Except for the uttariya, he had nothing. He was indecisive – “If I give this uttariya to the Buddha, my wife will chide me, because both of us won’t have an uttariya to wear.” As of the early evening, he was indecisive and remained so through late at night. At the break of dawn his faith peaked to perfection and as he offered the uttariya to the Buddha he proclaimed, “Victory! I’ve won!”
Hearing this, King Pasenadi got annoyed. “I have won and am the one who’s victorious. Who has he battled with? That guy is so old, who can he defeat?” The King had just won the war, and he didn’t shout “I’ve won! Victory!” That old guy didn’t do anything, why did he say he won? So, the King asked, “what have you won?” The Brahmin replied, “I’ve won over my heart” as he donated the cloth. According to the text, the King was very pleased and delighted, so he gave the Brahman many pieces of clothing. In the past, monks liked to give discourses about this story, so people would offer them things. Lately, they don’t talk about this much.
So, the Buddha continued and said, “self-conquest is the best.” The Buddha continued with the sermon and at this point the Brahmin attained enlightenment as a stream-enterer. He could see that there is no ‘I’, which is the greatest victory, i.e. to discover that there is no ‘self,’ but only form and non-form.
I don’t know if this story is real. It isn’t in the Tipitaka, but exists in the Aṭṭhakathā. However, the message remains important, i.e. ‘victory over oneself is better than victory over others.’ Victory over oneself means conquering our own defilements. This is best. Therefore, we have to be fighters – practitioners are fighters – we have to conquer ourselves. How to conquer oneself is by studying oneself, i.e. ‘to be mindful of our body and mind as they really are, with the mind that’s rooted in awareness and that’s equanimous.’ If we can practice often in this way, eventually we will understand ourselves, in that, form is impermanent, suffering, and non-self; the mind is impermanent, suffering, and non-self. Once these are understood, they will be let go of. Once they are let go of, that is victory.
In the material world, victory is associated with acquiring something – if we run fast, we get gold medals; if we play soccer very well, we will get medals or a trophy – there is acquisition. In dhamma, once we can let go, we win. If we can’t let go, it means that we attach to it and that is suffering. Therefore, when we make merit or donate things and wish for happiness across countless lives, this is worldly happiness, happiness accompanied by suffering. One day, with diligent practice, when our spiritual faculties are strong, we will find that what we thought was happiness was actually suffering – besides suffering, nothing arises; besides suffering, nothing exists; besides suffering, nothing ceases. That’s that. We were foolish for so long, and now we can understand and let go.
So, let’s investigate ourselves: what do we want? Those people who are crazy about making merit aren’t seeking to be liberated. Those crazy over making merit want to live happily ever after. They will be happy, that is with worldly happiness that is accompanied by suffering. If we really want to attain liberation, we need to study ourselves, to understand ourselves and to let go of ourselves.
That’s all for today. Investigate into oneself to determine what exactly we want. If we want to be reborn repeatedly into this world, then make merit and practice what I teach. Why? So, it’ll become our habit and will be embedded in the mind – i.e. the habit of practicing meditation. Over countless lives, gradually it will develop and our spiritual faculties will get stronger. Eventually we will have the strength to practice how to transcend the world, how to transcend suffering. We will practice to attain liberation, not for happiness. Thus, if our spiritual faculties are strong, we will practice attaining liberation by studying ourselves, by understanding ourselves, and by letting go of ourselves.
If our spiritual faculties are not strong, we will not be ready for this form of practice, and that’s okay. Do good. However, only making merit isn’t enough. As we are able to listen to dhamma about meditation let’s put it into practice. Don’t fear that you will attain liberation so soon. Many people who meditate hard haven’t attained liberation yet. Even though we meditate on and off, it still helps us develop the habit of meditating. Then, in our next lives, we will be able to meditate with ease – let’s set our goal like this. Also, make a lot of merit, so our future lives won’t be filled with difficulties and we won’t suffer much. You see, we have choices. We are free to choose. We can choose to be reborn repeatedly with happiness – go ahead. But if we’re a bit wiser, we will also meditate and practice mindfulness. If we aim for liberation, we have to be determined to practice morality, Samādhi, and wisdom. To cultivate wisdom is to study ourselves, until we understand ourselves, until we let go of ourselves – this is the result of wisdom.
Wat Suansantidham
13 August 2022